Because of July 4th

The United States of America....truly a
land of freedom and opportunity! Some things in our country going well...some not so well, but today I saw all that we have here in this place. If not for the freedom we have, the INDEPENDENCE we experience, the open door we have for foreigners, our little girl would not be able to be here. I have a more thankful heart for this country. July 4th meant a little more to me today. She is welcome here.

The Other Dinknesh

We wrote about the "other" Dinknesh early in these blogs. She was born on the same day in a village close to where Rayne was born, and they were given the same name at birth. When arriving at the Ethiopian airport to pick up Rayne we had a brief moment of panic as we were chatting with "other Dinknesh" family for fear that we had come for the same little girl. Turns out that it was not the case! Aila's family had gone on the waiting list one day before us, they had received their referral one day before us, and now we have two very different girls. One perfect for their family and one designed perfectly for our family. Cool to get a small glimpse into the intricate timing of it all! Rayne and the other Dinknesh (her name is Aila) lived for 5 months together in a room at the care center. We had the privilege of closely sharing the Ethiopian experience with Aila's family, and since Aila's family lives in downtown Chicago, we knew we would connect again. In late May, we attended her baptism. I am fairly certain they don't remember each other, but as the years go by it will be good for them to connect. Perhaps not remembering specific memories, but sharing in their heritage and their history may be of great comfort and even friendship.

Six Months and Sitting Up!

WoW!  We get to experience the big milestones.  Last week, she rolled over and this week she is sitting up for the first time!  

What a blessing! Caleb reminds her, "You are such a big girl!" 

There is Room

Our social worker came to visit today to do an intial post-placement visit.  Rayne rolled over on cue, played on her tummy, and smiled perfectly!  After showing off Rayne, she asked more seriously how we were doing as a family.  These questions force me to reflect and process - how are we doing?  I was able to articulate this feeling Jeeva and I were sensing when we said that her presence here makes us feel more complete.  

We had a long time to make room in this family for Rayne.  We talked, we prayed, we dreamed, we laughed, we asked questions about how it would be when Rayne arrived. Since we never quite knew when she would come, we were always addressing the near future.  Little did we know that each time we talked, we carved out another little space for a daughter and a sister.   Every time we anticipated her coming by planning, by disciplining, by encouraging the boys to be more independent we were all sacrificing a piece of living selfishly and easily in the present to welcome her presence in our family.   Now, her coming doesn't seem to be pushing anyone aside.  It seems, instead, that there was a hole carved right in the middle of our family waiting to be filled by her.  Nathan, our four year old, has even settled into the middle child role with pride, love, helpfulness, and self - control.  And, he has stopped asking when Rayne will be headed back to Ethiopia!   He, too, has helped her to fit into the place we carved out for her.  In fact, a belly laughing giggle from Rayne has only been heard, so far, in response to her brothers, especially Nathan.  They have bonded.     

It's A Girl!

The house was quiet this morning, since all the boys were out, so I thought I would play!  I gave Rayne a bath, wrapped her in a pink polka dot towel, gathered all the recently ordered hair products (her "Ethiopian" hair needs some special somethings!), a wide tooth comb, and sat her down on the counter in front of the mirror..."This will be fun," I explained!  

It's different - having a girl, that is!  Not just the hair accessories or the outfits...but, the whole way you look into her eyes, the different kinds of dreams and prayers you have for her, the snuggles...different for daddy, too.  He feels relieved of some responsibility that he faces to raise two boys into men.  I feel a NEW sense of responsibility - raising a girl into a woman. Excited for the journey.  For now - I am content with beauty of the sweet close snuggles and choosing her headband!  

Daddy loves his little girl!

Her daddy always makes her smile...

Our little Ethiopian princess!

Caleb's Show and Tell...Nathan's Show and Tell...and really all of ours!  

A Mama's Love

A Mama’s Love

How can you love

 something this much? How can you love something this quickly? How can you love something this much that is not from your own self?  

I am amazed by my own heart for this little girl.   I knew I would grow to love her, but I didn’t realize it would be so immediate.  I could not be certain that my heart and my mind would feel the same as when I birthed a newborn into our family.   Now I know! 

Attachment - It may take days.  It may take weeks.  For many it takes months.  And in some cases it even takes years.  Hours of “adoption classes” teach in length on the idea of attachment, and present possible attachment disorders.   Aware of the risk, we stored the possibility in the back of our minds, and prayed that this would be a smooth transition for Rayne, and

 that she would attach quickly and easily to our family.  Remarkable...it seems that Rayne has already  shown incredible signs of “attachment.”  It seems natural for her to make eye contact during her feedings, to engage us while playing, to respond to our voices and our love, to interact with others peacefully and happily. She trusts us, and she allows us to care for her. 

We are thankful.  We are thankful to her birth mother for nursing her and creating an attachment for Rayne at the beginning.  We are thankful to her nannies at the care center, who have obviously loved her, cared for her, and enjoyed her smile.  We are thankful to God that Rayne was knitted together for our family, and that this attachment seems natural.  

TRANSITIONS!

Drinking a bottle with American Formula – throwing up a little! 

Pooping plenty…perhaps from the change in diet

Oatmeal cereal – not sweet enough!  The Ethiopian brand of baby cereal contains sugar as its second ingredient.   So, a little mix of fruit baby food did the trick!  Not as good, but it will have to do!

Sleeps  - 10-12 hours a night….what baby does that? We feel blessed and rested!

Rayne weighs 14.5 pounds at her 5 month check up.  At 50th percentile  in weight and 75% for height for a 5 month old.  Not bad, since when we picked her up she had been losing weight.

She will catch up on all her immunizations by 9 months…a few pokes before then! 

Resting Peacefully

Giggling and smiling at her brothers

Turning her head upon hearing mama’s voice

Her eyes light up and smile when she sees her daddy.

Looking us all in the eyes and making our hearts leap. 

 

 

Welcome Home

It has rained twice in the past six months, mostly snowed. But, today we got in the car to drive home to meet the boys and it was raining! Welcome home RAYNE! As we drove through the pouring rain and the fields were turning from a brown crisp grass to a lush green I stopped to be thankful. Thankful that Rayne would bring so much abundance into our lives. I am thankful that we waited. The rain seemed all the more sweet.

Rayne, a little nervous over the initial odd feeling of being buckled into a carseat and moving backwards at 70 mph, held my hand tightly, peered over the back of the seat to make sure we were there, and then fell into a deep sleep. After all, it was her middle of the night.

We pulled into our driveway, where a brightly colored Welcome Home Rayne sign hung on our porch. Rayne was wearing a red ribbon in her hair. Nathan, after reading a favorite book, has always imagined his sister coming home with a red ribbon in her hair. We woke Rayne from the deep sleep and carried her inside. The boys met us with excitement and love. They were both excited to see us after 10 days and beside themselves to see their new sister! In her glazed over exhaustion, she managed to smile at her brothers and play for a few minutes. A bath, some fresh jammies, some warm milk, and headed for bed. As I held her tight in a cradle position, which was so hard a few days earlier, I looked her in the eye and told her she was home. She closed her eyes and fell fast asleep in my arms.

The next morning, she woke and drank a warm bottle of formula. The bottle it is!

Excitement ran through the house. Nathan, who has been waiting half his life for Rayne, was thrilled. Consistent with who he is for all of us, he would begin to make Rayne laugh today. She cooed, she babbled, she smiled. We all felt an excitement to be together – the five of us.

Peace ran through the house. Caleb laid sweetly next to her, with his head next to hers. He held her tightly on the couch, and confirmed our suspicions that he would be an incredible presence and big brother for Rayne. We all felt a peace – the hole that had been waiting and longing has been filled and we were all together – the five of us. It is good.

The Trip Home

It’s like childbirth. You dread it. You don’t want to go through it. You go through different imagined scenarios of how one might otherwise birth this child into our family….We didn’t have a choice – we had to travel the 24 hours to Denver. You could see the tiredness and the anticipation on everyone’s face as we arrived by bus at sunset to the Addis Ababa Airport. Yet, there was an excitement and a pride to take our precious ones home. And this made it all bearable…

We proudly showed her Ethiopian passport to many government and airport agents, which read Dinknesh Jeeva Ratnathicam. (Until we apply for citizenship to the US and apply for a new birth certificate this will be her name – very feminine!) Even though it was hours past her bedtime, Rayne’s eyes were so big, and looking around. Everything was new – lights, buildings, sounds, people, jostling around in the Baby Bjorn. She grabbed my fingers tightly, eyes popping out, but never cried. Rayne copes. She seems strong. She takes it in. She may be nervous, but she rarely shows it by crying. She just holds on for the ride! When her little brain can’t take it anymore she throws her head back, puts her thumb in her mouth, and just cuddles in. She seems to find comfort in us.

The airlines have developed the baby bassinet, which screws onto the bulkhead wall in front of the seats. So, the two Dinknesh’s shared a bulkhead wall and fell fast asleep in their own beds for 6 of the 8 hour trip to Amsterdam. Upon arrival, we said goodbye to our friends and the two Dinknesh’s parted with a promise to see them soon in Chicago, where they live. I pray that Rayne will know Ayla , the other Dinknesh, as she grows, and that somehow having a friend which shares a similar story will make it feel a little better.

Jeeva and I had just enough time to grab some delicious European croissants and head to our next flight to Detroit. Rayne happily cruised in the baby bjorn and never had a complaint! She fell asleep again in a different bassinet for another 5 hours upon take off! It was really a honeymoon. Time for just the three of us. Sweet time to just stare at our new baby, and to take it all in. The hours flew by, and we knew that this time was precious. She did the same. Just stared at us, and when that grew tiresome she would just look around.

Thankfully, Rayne successfully drank from the sippy cup shortly before we headed to the airport. Since she would not take a bottle, and we could not seem to manage the open cup without losing half of the milk on her and us, the airplane eating was going to be a challenge. So, with the sippy cup, we had smooth mess-free eating!

Once we arrived in Detroit, we pulled out the sealed envelope. This envelope was given to us at the US Embassy in Ethiopia and could not be opened by us, only be an immigration officer in USA. It was our ticket into the country with Rayne. For months, we have been compiling these documents and waiting for this moment. Jeeva has always said, “I am going to feel a lot better when we get through customs with Rayne on American soil!” We waited in the customs line as American Citizens – three passports – one Ethiopian and two US. Rayne gave the grumpy stern customs officer a great big smile. He quickly finished looking over us, and sent us to the Blue Line. The special services line – number 37. We approached the desk and they opened the yellow sealed envelope, looked over it, and looked for this and that, filled out paperwork….as they are looking through everything…I am thinking…REALLY? ARE you really going to send us back?...submit to the system….submit to the process…one thing I have become more comfortable with. I am sure it was only 10 minutes, but it seemed like forever…and they stamped Rayne’s passport. Our little Ethiopian princess has a green card and is headed to Denver.

Sleeping

Oh sleeping! This is one nice thing about picking up an orphanage baby at five months...already trained! They can put themselves to sleep and they sleep for a long time! She is not the one having sleep problems. Jeeva and I can be found falling asleep at various places in our home at any time past eight! We seem to be having a harder time adjusting back to this time zone than Rayne!

Tuesday night, our first night with Rayne - we bathed her, fed her, put on her PJ’s – the ones I purchased months ago, imagining that someday, a little girl would fit into them and spend her first night in them….so, here it was! My plans were to snuggle her through the night – whatever it took to make her feel safe and loved.
About 7:00 her back arched, her thumb went into her mouth, and her head tilted to the side…I guess we were done snuggling! I laid her down in the little bed beside ours, and just like we had seen 3 weeks ago in a picture….. She put her thumb in her mouth, turned on her side, pulled her leg up, and started scratching the wooden sideboard of her bed with her little fingersI I had watched her put herself to sleep in her solid wooden crib at the orphanage with her thumb in her mouth and her other fingers scratching along the sideboard. Before I could grab a picture of her, she was asleep. For 10 hours she slept soundly.

When she would wake up in the first few days, she had that look of “where am I?” Then, after a brief moment she would look at us and give us a great big smile. Maybe she likes her new life….

Today, in her new room at home, I watch her put her thumb in her mouth, turn on her side, pull her leg up, rest her cheek to the sheet and scratch the soft minky green pillow laying beside her with her little fingers.

Same baby. Same Habits. But, everything a little softer!