A Glimpse

RAYNE DINKNESH

2009-12-22T17:32:00.002-07:00

Why Rayne Dinknesh?

Rayne - Jeeva, in his wisdom and discernment, came up with her name. Rain brings life, refreshment, fruit, blessing...and so will Rayne's life. She has already brought so much new life to our family and we trust that she will do the same for many others. Ezekiel 34:26 And I will give the rain at the right time, and I will make the shower come down at the right time; there will be showers of blessing.

Dinknesh - her given name at birth from her birth mother. We went to Ethiopia not certain how, if at all, we would use this name. Shortly after arriving in Ethiopia, Jeeva and I agreed this was our little girl's name. We answered to this name, and so did she. We heard the nannies look in her eyes and say her name, "DINK-I -NESH" in a beautiful way. We met her birth mother and listened to her heart of naming her baby. This name means, "you are amazing" and her birth mother explained that she knew that this little girl would grow up and do amazing things. Of course, then, this would be her name! When we returned home I felt more natural calling her Dinknesh than Rayne. I still call her Dinknesh in our home at times, and she looks at me and gives me a precious smile when I call her this. Does she remember??? I don't know what she remembers, but it will be a way I call her and let her know ...I know everything about you and I love all of it. I embrace your past and all of you. I love you Dinknesh.....although, I can't quite say it as beautifully as the gracious women of Ethiopia.

Not so Newborn Photos!

2009-12-15T00:20:00.000-07:00

We captured some more formal shots of Rayne in her first month here. She was almost 6 months in these pictures. Brothers and all...

The Third Child

2009-12-01T01:12:00.003-07:00

The Third Child sometimes has to put herself to bed on a dish towel in the middle of the kitchen floor!

Three kids in another notch...I think a bigger transition than two! There is something about three...Rayne's grandma summed it up well as she watched me feed Rayne a whole, only slightly peeled banana..."With the first kid you carefully pick out the banana, peel it, cut it in nice little slices and carefully set them in front of your child. The second kid - you just grab any old banana, chop it a little less perfectly, and hand it to them. The third child you just grab a banana, slightly pull back the tough peel, and hand it to them whole!!!

With that said, Rayne won't eat a banana now any other way now. They just adapt, fit in, just do life as they need to. Birth order personalities are true (which I sometimes wondered before having children) Makes you wonder why you spend so much time the first time choosing the perfect banana and cutting it to perfection! But, you do...because you can. Wherever they fall in our family we love them and embrace all that they are all and all that their environment has created them to be! And no worries - Rayne is not suffering from lack of attention! :)

Birthday Girl

2009-11-03T16:05:00.002-07:00

Rayne turned ONE today. Last night she took her first steps when she choose to walk instead of relinquishing her shaky eggs for a crawl! We celebrate her today. We love her more than ever. EVERY day we are overcome with delight and thankfulness she has come into our home to be our daughter. EVERY day this little girl RAINS joy and love into all four of our hearts. The boys run to her for comfort when they are sad, cuddles when they are tired, laughter when they want to play...she fills us all.

I woke up today wondering...What time was she born on this day last year? What did that day look like for her? How did they cut that umbilical cord? What was her birth mother thinking today? Does she know it was this day? Is she missing her? Is she sad? We weren't there...We grieved for the five months we missed in Rayne's life. Jeeva and I both felt a sense of unexpected sadness today - So much we don't know about this year for Rayne. Yet, we know that every year after this we get to have and know completely.

This afternoon we went to the park where we met another little adopted Ethiopian girl - over 2 years ago. It was after this meeting that we made the decision to move forward to start the adoption process. Prior to this day, it was only years of discussion! We went to the park and played, giving thanks for the appointed day, place, and time where our hearts were stirred to adopt our little girl.

Happy Birthday Rayne!

Rayne doesn't like cupcakes....but she LOVES ice cream. She is my daughter! (and Caleb's sister!)

Living Life as three!

2009-11-01T01:38:00.001-06:00

Costco errands are not that bad!!!

Soccer Season

2009-10-01T01:06:00.000-06:00

The boys played soccer this fall. Rayne picked up the cheer leading role quickly - clapping and even throwing the ball around.

Brothers

2009-09-24T02:35:00.001-06:00

Caleb received a new skateboard for his birthday. He decided to teach his brother. Fun to watch them grow as brothers and best friends.

First Day of School

2009-09-20T01:39:00.000-06:00

Caleb started Kindergarten and Nathan started all day pre-K at the Denver Montclair International School. They will be learning in a French Immersion program. Caleb, accustomed to the daily routine of school, embraced the new year. Rayne and mama have the days together just the two girls ...mama loves the time with Rayne, but misses her other two little ones. Both Nathan and mama struggled with the transition. Mama cried at the coffee shop, out on errands, and around the house...at all turns where Nathan filled the days for the past year. Nathan cried at drop off every day for two weeks. "Mama mama misses lama," and "lama lama misses mama..." but we all have come to appreciate the time away and even more... the time together! First days of schools are always markers...markers of growth and new beginnings.

The Olympics 2009!

2009-09-04T16:41:00.000-06:00

Our birthday parties are a family affair. We all get into it, especially the birthday boy - that's why it's all worth it! We dream big, we brainstorm, we plan, we collect, we create, we consider our birthday person, and all that will be coming, and we all set to work. Since last summer's 2008 Olympics, Caleb has been planning his sixth birthday party. (Actually, since the day before his 5th birthday party!) We had an Olympic parade, led by Caleb, we ran races representing our countries - USA, Ethiopia, France, and Jamaica (they run fast!) , we did the hammer throw (only Caleb could come up with that event!), the long jump, the hurdles, the sprints...and enjoyed the flag cupcakes. Our guests enjoyed themselves, our birthday boy loved the competition and another dream fulfilled.

Caleb and Rayne

2009-08-30T01:18:00.000-06:00

Caleb loves his little sister in a gentle and protective way. He teaches her, guides her, sits quietly with her, and exudes a peace and joy when he spends time with her. He seeks her out, and looks fondly on her. Watch out boys...here's her older brother!

Because of July 4th

2009-07-04T23:48:00.000-06:00

The United States of America....truly a
land of freedom and opportunity! Some things in our country going well...some not so well, but today I saw all that we have here in this place. If not for the freedom we have, the INDEPENDENCE we experience, the open door we have for foreigners, our little girl would not be able to be here. I have a more thankful heart for this country. July 4th meant a little more to me today. She is welcome here.

The Other Dinknesh

2009-06-02T00:23:00.000-06:00

We wrote about the "other" Dinknesh early in these blogs. She was born on the same day in a village close to where Rayne was born, and they were given the same name at birth. When arriving at the Ethiopian airport to pick up Rayne we had a brief moment of panic as we were chatting with "other Dinknesh" family for fear that we had come for the same little girl. Turns out that it was not the case! Aila's family had gone on the waiting list one day before us, they had received their referral one day before us, and now we have two very different girls. One perfect for their family and one designed perfectly for our family. Cool to get a small glimpse into the intricate timing of it all! Rayne and the other Dinknesh (her name is Aila) lived for 5 months together in a room at the care center. We had the privilege of closely sharing the Ethiopian experience with Aila's family, and since Aila's family lives in downtown Chicago, we knew we would connect again. In late May, we attended her baptism. I am fairly certain they don't remember each other, but as the years go by it will be good for them to connect. Perhaps not remembering specific memories, but sharing in their heritage and their history may be of great comfort and even friendship.

Six Months and Sitting Up!

2009-05-20T02:23:00.000-06:00

WoW! We get to experience the big milestones. Last week, she rolled over and this week she is sitting up for the first time!

What a blessing! Caleb reminds her, "You are such a big girl!"

There is Room

2009-05-11T02:27:00.000-06:00

Our social worker came to visit today to do an intial post-placement visit. Rayne rolled over on cue, played on her tummy, and smiled perfectly! After showing off Rayne, she asked more seriously how we were doing as a family. These questions force me to reflect and process - how are we doing? I was able to articulate this feeling Jeeva and I were sensing when we said that her presence here makes us feel more complete.

We had a long time to make room in this family for Rayne. We talked, we prayed, we dreamed, we laughed, we asked questions about how it would be when Rayne arrived. Since we never quite knew when she would come, we were always addressing the near future. Little did we know that each time we talked, we carved out another little space for a daughter and a sister. Every time we anticipated her coming by planning, by disciplining, by encouraging the boys to be more independent we were all sacrificing a piece of living selfishly and easily in the present to welcome her presence in our family. Now, her coming doesn't seem to be pushing anyone aside. It seems, instead, that there was a hole carved right in the middle of our family waiting to be filled by her. Nathan, our four year old, has even settled into the middle child role with pride, love, helpfulness, and self - control. And, he has stopped asking when Rayne will be headed back to Ethiopia! He, too, has helped her to fit into the place we carved out for her. In fact, a belly laughing giggle from Rayne has only been heard, so far, in response to her brothers, especially Nathan. They have bonded.

It's A Girl!

2009-05-05T00:55:00.001-06:00

The house was quiet this morning, since all the boys were out, so I thought I would play! I gave Rayne a bath, wrapped her in a pink polka dot towel, gathered all the recently ordered hair products (her "Ethiopian" hair needs some special somethings!), a wide tooth comb, and sat her down on the counter in front of the mirror..."This will be fun," I explained!

It's different - having a girl, that is! Not just the hair accessories or the outfits...but, the whole way you look into her eyes, the different kinds of dreams and prayers you have for her, the snuggles...different for daddy, too. He feels relieved of some responsibility that he faces to raise two boys into men. I feel a NEW sense of responsibility - raising a girl into a woman. Excited for the journey. For now - I am content with beauty of the sweet close snuggles and choosing her headband!

Daddy loves his little girl!

2009-05-05T00:53:00.001-06:00

Her daddy always makes her smile...

Our little Ethiopian princess!

2009-04-29T00:33:00.000-06:00

Caleb's Show and Tell...Nathan's Show and Tell...and really all of ours!

A Mama's Love

2009-04-29T00:20:00.000-06:00

A Mama’s Love

How can you love

something this much? How can you love something this quickly? How can you love something this much that is not from your own self?

I am amazed by my own heart for this little girl. I knew I would grow to love her, but I didn’t realize it would be so immediate. I could not be certain that my heart and my mind would feel the same as when I birthed a newborn into our family. Now I know!

Attachment - It may take days. It may take weeks. For many it takes months. And in some cases it even takes years. Hours of “adoption classes” teach in length on the idea of attachment, and present possible attachment disorders. Aware of the risk, we stored the possibility in the back of our minds, and prayed that this would be a smooth transition for Rayne, and

that she would attach quickly and easily to our family. Remarkable...it seems that Rayne has already shown incredible signs of “attachment.” It seems natural for her to make eye contact during her feedings, to engage us while playing, to respond to our voices and our love, to interact with others peacefully and happily. She trusts us, and she allows us to care for her.

We are thankful. We are thankful to her birth mother for nursing her and creating an attachment for Rayne at the beginning. We are thankful to her nannies at the care center, who have obviously loved her, cared for her, and enjoyed her smile. We are thankful to God that Rayne was knitted together for our family, and that this attachment seems natural.

TRANSITIONS!

2009-04-28T23:37:00.001-06:00

Drinking a bottle with American Formula – throwing up a little!

Pooping plenty…perhaps from the change in diet

Oatmeal cereal – not sweet enough! The Ethiopian brand of baby cereal contains sugar as its second ingredient. So, a little mix of fruit baby food did the trick! Not as good, but it will have to do!

Sleeps - 10-12 hours a night….what baby does that? We feel blessed and rested!

Rayne weighs 14.5 pounds at her 5 month check up. At 50th percentile in weight and 75% for height for a 5 month old. Not bad, since when we picked her up she had been losing weight.

She will catch up on all her immunizations by 9 months…a few pokes before then!

Resting Peacefully

Giggling and smiling at her brothers

Turning her head upon hearing mama’s voice

Her eyes light up and smile when she sees her daddy.

Looking us all in the eyes and making our hearts leap.

Welcome Home

2009-04-23T12:50:00.000-06:00

It has rained twice in the past six months, mostly snowed. But, today we got in the car to drive home to meet the boys and it was raining! Welcome home RAYNE! As we drove through the pouring rain and the fields were turning from a brown crisp grass to a lush green I stopped to be thankful. Thankful that Rayne would bring so much abundance into our lives. I am thankful that we waited. The rain seemed all the more sweet.

Rayne, a little nervous over the initial odd feeling of being buckled into a carseat and moving backwards at 70 mph, held my hand tightly, peered over the back of the seat to make sure we were there, and then fell into a deep sleep. After all, it was her middle of the night.

We pulled into our driveway, where a brightly colored Welcome Home Rayne sign hung on our porch. Rayne was wearing a red ribbon in her hair. Nathan, after reading a favorite book, has always imagined his sister coming home with a red ribbon in her hair. We woke Rayne from the deep sleep and carried her inside. The boys met us with excitement and love. They were both excited to see us after 10 days and beside themselves to see their new sister! In her glazed over exhaustion, she managed to smile at her brothers and play for a few minutes. A bath, some fresh jammies, some warm milk, and headed for bed. As I held her tight in a cradle position, which was so hard a few days earlier, I looked her in the eye and told her she was home. She closed her eyes and fell fast asleep in my arms.

The next morning, she woke and drank a warm bottle of formula. The bottle it is!

Excitement ran through the house. Nathan, who has been waiting half his life for Rayne, was thrilled. Consistent with who he is for all of us, he would begin to make Rayne laugh today. She cooed, she babbled, she smiled. We all felt an excitement to be together – the five of us.

Peace ran through the house. Caleb laid sweetly next to her, with his head next to hers. He held her tightly on the couch, and confirmed our suspicions that he would be an incredible presence and big brother for Rayne. We all felt a peace – the hole that had been waiting and longing has been filled and we were all together – the five of us. It is good.

The Trip Home

2009-04-23T12:47:00.000-06:00

It’s like childbirth. You dread it. You don’t want to go through it. You go through different imagined scenarios of how one might otherwise birth this child into our family….We didn’t have a choice – we had to travel the 24 hours to Denver. You could see the tiredness and the anticipation on everyone’s face as we arrived by bus at sunset to the Addis Ababa Airport. Yet, there was an excitement and a pride to take our precious ones home. And this made it all bearable…

We proudly showed her Ethiopian passport to many government and airport agents, which read Dinknesh Jeeva Ratnathicam. (Until we apply for citizenship to the US and apply for a new birth certificate this will be her name – very feminine!) Even though it was hours past her bedtime, Rayne’s eyes were so big, and looking around. Everything was new – lights, buildings, sounds, people, jostling around in the Baby Bjorn. She grabbed my fingers tightly, eyes popping out, but never cried. Rayne copes. She seems strong. She takes it in. She may be nervous, but she rarely shows it by crying. She just holds on for the ride! When her little brain can’t take it anymore she throws her head back, puts her thumb in her mouth, and just cuddles in. She seems to find comfort in us.

The airlines have developed the baby bassinet, which screws onto the bulkhead wall in front of the seats. So, the two Dinknesh’s shared a bulkhead wall and fell fast asleep in their own beds for 6 of the 8 hour trip to Amsterdam. Upon arrival, we said goodbye to our friends and the two Dinknesh’s parted with a promise to see them soon in Chicago, where they live. I pray that Rayne will know Ayla , the other Dinknesh, as she grows, and that somehow having a friend which shares a similar story will make it feel a little better.

Jeeva and I had just enough time to grab some delicious European croissants and head to our next flight to Detroit. Rayne happily cruised in the baby bjorn and never had a complaint! She fell asleep again in a different bassinet for another 5 hours upon take off! It was really a honeymoon. Time for just the three of us. Sweet time to just stare at our new baby, and to take it all in. The hours flew by, and we knew that this time was precious. She did the same. Just stared at us, and when that grew tiresome she would just look around.

Thankfully, Rayne successfully drank from the sippy cup shortly before we headed to the airport. Since she would not take a bottle, and we could not seem to manage the open cup without losing half of the milk on her and us, the airplane eating was going to be a challenge. So, with the sippy cup, we had smooth mess-free eating!

Once we arrived in Detroit, we pulled out the sealed envelope. This envelope was given to us at the US Embassy in Ethiopia and could not be opened by us, only be an immigration officer in USA. It was our ticket into the country with Rayne. For months, we have been compiling these documents and waiting for this moment. Jeeva has always said, “I am going to feel a lot better when we get through customs with Rayne on American soil!” We waited in the customs line as American Citizens – three passports – one Ethiopian and two US. Rayne gave the grumpy stern customs officer a great big smile. He quickly finished looking over us, and sent us to the Blue Line. The special services line – number 37. We approached the desk and they opened the yellow sealed envelope, looked over it, and looked for this and that, filled out paperwork….as they are looking through everything…I am thinking…REALLY? ARE you really going to send us back?...submit to the system….submit to the process…one thing I have become more comfortable with. I am sure it was only 10 minutes, but it seemed like forever…and they stamped Rayne’s passport. Our little Ethiopian princess has a green card and is headed to Denver.

Sleeping

2009-04-23T12:40:00.001-06:00

Oh sleeping! This is one nice thing about picking up an orphanage baby at five months...already trained! They can put themselves to sleep and they sleep for a long time! She is not the one having sleep problems. Jeeva and I can be found falling asleep at various places in our home at any time past eight! We seem to be having a harder time adjusting back to this time zone than Rayne!

Tuesday night, our first night with Rayne - we bathed her, fed her, put on her PJ’s – the ones I purchased months ago, imagining that someday, a little girl would fit into them and spend her first night in them….so, here it was! My plans were to snuggle her through the night – whatever it took to make her feel safe and loved.
About 7:00 her back arched, her thumb went into her mouth, and her head tilted to the side…I guess we were done snuggling! I laid her down in the little bed beside ours, and just like we had seen 3 weeks ago in a picture….. She put her thumb in her mouth, turned on her side, pulled her leg up, and started scratching the wooden sideboard of her bed with her little fingersI I had watched her put herself to sleep in her solid wooden crib at the orphanage with her thumb in her mouth and her other fingers scratching along the sideboard. Before I could grab a picture of her, she was asleep. For 10 hours she slept soundly.

When she would wake up in the first few days, she had that look of “where am I?” Then, after a brief moment she would look at us and give us a great big smile. Maybe she likes her new life….

Today, in her new room at home, I watch her put her thumb in her mouth, turn on her side, pull her leg up, rest her cheek to the sheet and scratch the soft minky green pillow laying beside her with her little fingers.

Same baby. Same Habits. But, everything a little softer!

Camp

2009-04-15T22:02:00.000-06:00

I wasn’t kidding – this is like camp. We have a weekly set schedule. We have meals together – some good Ethiopian food, some typical carb camp food. We load on the bus and off the bus. We share a bathroom. We complain about some activities and love others. Sometimes the noise and the people are just too much! Whatever the camp you have been to over the years, the memories you have most of camp are the other campers! Mostly, you go to camp relatively alone, and you leave bonded with others because of the mutual experiences you shared together.

But, in my sarcasm before the trip, I showed Jeeva a list of the campers’ names and I said, “Here’s a list of your eight new best friends.” We both laughed and acted as if we didn’t need new friends, we had each other, and we would just hole up in our room on the down times. We even brought DVD’s to watch in our room. This trip with no kids was going to be our second honeymoon!

Although Jeeva and I have had a beautiful time together, I was wrong about not needing community.

“Going to get your baby camp” isn’t much different than all the other camps. In this case the mutual experience is birthing a child into our family. We waited those first hours together to meet our children for the first time. We celebrated together when we came down the stairs with our new child, some became parents for the very first time. We grieved each other’s birth stories, and we wept together for our child’s past. We passed many hours on the buses just sharing about our lives. For three of the families, it was their second Ethiopian adoption. So, Jeeva and I learned much from them, and gained so much hope for the future. For some families it was their first adoption, so we experienced the newness together. For all of us, we were adding a child to our family, and this was an unspoken, long-awaited, miracle and blessing. As the crying and chaos of the bedtime hour hit tonight, and we were all cleaning up very dirty diapers, vomit, snot, and all the other things associated with leaving the orphanage and entering our care, it felt good, once again, to be in community.

Life is better in community. We could do this alone, but it would not be as full, as rich, or as wise to do it that way.

Will They Remember?

2009-04-15T22:00:00.000-06:00

11:00 p.m. Thursday night. Jeeva and I stood outside the baggage claim customs area, waiting for three other families to join us for the ride back to the guest house. The first family approaches us, and this is our first conversation in Ethiopia.

“So, how old is your child?”

“Five months. “

“So,is ours.”

“Is it a boy or girl?”

“Girl.”

“So, is ours.”

“When was your baby born?”

“November 3^rd.”

“Same with ours”

“What is her name?”

“Dinkinesh.

Silent look. Absolute terror comes over all four of our faces. All I can think is – we are here for the same baby! Did I really just fly on the airplane for 24 hours, and wait all this time for the same baby? Did they really screw up this badly? Is this a joke?

“What is her last name?”

“Dinkenesh Segabo”

Sigh of relief. “Ours is Dinkensh Seleke”

Immediately, we took out the picture of our babies and they look different enough to realize we do indeed have two different babies.

A very fun and easing way to kick off our adoption week in Ethiopia!

Turns out that these two little girls have been together for the past five months, since they entered - playing, keeping each other company, and are bonded. Their nanny spoke of the two Dinknesh’s fondly, and she told us they had been together with her the whole time. We have gotten to know the other Dinkenesh’s parents, so it has been fun to compare our parallel adoption stories. They turned in their adoption dossier documents and went on the waiting list December 27^th. We went on December 28^th. Turns out they were also waiting.. prepared and anxious for much longer than we all anticipated! They, too, thought they would get a baby girl last year at this time! Turns out that they got their referral December 15^th. We got our referral December 16^th.

Dinkinesh Segabo is our baby girl. It was meant to be that way all along. I love that there is already a plan and this week we got a glimpse of the journey we couldn’t see...

When everything is unknown to them, there was one thing that was familiar. They touched each other and smiled.

Will they remember?

A Snuggle

2009-04-15T21:56:00.000-06:00

I can’t remember having something in my life that I wanted so badly, knew I would eventually get, and yet had to wait for indefinitely. Maybe that’s why the snuggle today seemed so sweet. I could smell her, I could kiss her, I could lay with her…and I didn’t have to take her back. God has given us this precious gift, to care and to love for the rest of our lives. Wow!

And, it seemed so normal. It seemed so peaceful. It seemed so right. Effortless…. to love her. Effortless… to care for her.

We went to the care center this morning for the final farewell ceremony. It was a time for the nannies, and the other children to say good bye to the kids, and to celebrate their time their and then turn them over to their new parents. The ten children, fully dressed in traditionall outfits, processed down the stairs and into the room, where we sat waiting in white plastic chairs. It was like you were at your child’s school performance, and you were quickly scanning all the children to find your own, and maybe they would make eye contact with you or maybe hope they would see the smile on your face! The parents each got a card from the child’s caretakers. Then, we gathered around them while they held our children, and they prayed for the children and the caretakers. They turned and gave Rayne to us. Their hearts were breaking, but they said they knew this would give these children a better life and love. Rayne had a special nanny, who was with her for the entire time she was at the orphanage. We spoke with her a few days earlier, while she was showing me how she feeds Rayne cereal and successfully feeds a five month old with a cup! She shared how special Dinkenesh was to her and how she would miss her and her smile. I hugged her this morning, and promised her I would tell Rayne about her some day. She cared for my little girl when I could not. My heart felt thankful for her, and my tears and my words would remind her of how she blessed my daughter.

A few more details in the ceremony and then we left the care center and headed for immigration. I looked back as we pulled away from Rayne’s first home and saw her nanny standing in the window waving good-bye. That must be hard – to care for these children and then set them free to be with the families.

We headed to the US Embassy, where we each appeared before a man behind a window for a brief interview with our child. As he thumbed through the documents we so carefully prepared for the past months, I could not believe it was actually here. We swore that we were telling the truth about us and our lives, our baby, their birth family, and signed a bunch of papers – a process for which we are glad is over!

We left the Embassy, relieved that we all passed through with little hassle, and we were home in time for dinner!Really….TO SNUGGLE!

More Pics of Rayne!

2009-04-14T17:14:00.000-06:00

Easter!

2009-04-14T06:15:00.000-06:00

Home for the Day

Well... most of the day.

Our time here has been very scheduled and very busy. As Rach will discuss in a later blog we are spending our time with 8 other families. We spend a lot of time on a bus big enough for about 5 families, but we make it work. Needless to say, none of us look forward to getting on that bus.

Monday morning however, was a trip on that bus we all looked forward to. We were able to pick up Rayne and bring her back to our guest house for the day. Amazing fun…. We fed her, played with her, rested with her and gave her a bath. For the first time in 18 months things felt just like any other day you would have with your child. We’ll take it…. Even if it was for 4 hours.

As the saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words, so here are 5,000 words or so. Blessings to you all.

Easter

The rickety red bus weaved through the relatively quiet city of Addis Ababa just as the sun was rising above the green hills. Inside the bus our minds were heavy with the day that lies ahead of us. A four hour drive to the Southern Region of Ethiopia, to the city of Hosanna, to the place where our babies were first relinquished. The bus was crammed, and in true African style the bus made a few unannounced stops to pick up new passengers, filling our bus to max capacity. I don’t think they really have max capacity actually! Jeeva and I knew this would be a hard day, but one that we would treasure in our hearts for Rayne, when someday she would have questions. (And answer some of ours too!) The burden of our hearts was lightened by the consistent honking and weaving around the donkeys, goats, and small children in the middle of the road. I am not sure why they bother to put lines on the paved parts of the road because they drive right down the middle or wherever there are not people walking or animals crossing. We moved through the city and into the Ethiopian countryside - beautiful, rolling hills, high mountains in the background, sun shining on the green pastures and farmland. Easter…as the sun came up. It is Easter. Sunrise. Hope. New Life. Can’t be a coincidence. So, I will walk in that hope today.

We walked into the meeting place, into a courtyard, and sitting by the tree was the birth mother of our little girl. We recognized her, since we had seen her in a picture the previous day. We had been told about the process, but how can anyone be prepared for this meeting? I trust we will know what to say. We were first to be called into a cold concrete room with a desk and chairs. We entered a room with an ashamed mother not making eye contact with either of us. Feeling less emotional than I had expected, we gave her the two gifts we were permitted to offer. The first gift was a double-hinged frame (very specific instructions about what we could offer – no baby buying allowed!) filled with a current picture of Rayne and the other of our family of four, including Caleb and Nathan. She kissed the pictures, and she kept looking at her daughter. The only smile we saw on her face in this meeting was one of joy as she looked at her daughter. The other gift was a map of where we live, depicting Ethiopia and Colorado. She gave a big gasp and said, “America,” with a sigh of excitement and a look of interest. When she dropped her baby off at the center four months ago she did not know where she would go. We, then, began to ask some specific questions about Rayne’s story. She spoke in Ahmaric and the graceful interpreter communicated her words. I sat on the other side of a desk from her, which was way too much barrier to communicate my heart to her. So, I approached her on my knees and sat at her feet while we finished our meeting. We both asked her questions that we thought Rayne would like to know someday, and we assured her of our love for Rayne, and asked her hopes for her. We mostly just loved her in those few moments. We thanked her for the sacrifice, in order to give Rayne life. We would never meet her again, according to Ethiopian law, but we did remind her that early post placement reports would be filed at the center, where she can come and see them. “Any more questions?” Asked the interpreter. Yes….I probably have a million but I couldn’t think of any more…at least for that moment. We took a picture together, and as the picture was being taken she leaned her head into mine. The center gave her a picture and she walked behind the building. She would return for a special ceremony. Jeeva and I sat down outside the building to be sure to record all that we had heard that day, so we could share it with Rayne. And she appeared from the side of the building and sat down next to me. So close to me…then, she layed herself across my lap and asked for another picture. She jumped over to sit between Jeeva and I and her spirit was light. She looked at another family with tears and the birth mother was full of tears. . She pointed to them, and she spoke in broken English and touched her heart, and she said that today was not a sad day…it was happy in her heart She found hope in her daughter’s new life today, and that made her happy. During the candlelight ceremony, where the birth parents offer you a candle, marking their giving up of their child to you, we wept. We hugged her, and we wept. We wept for her loss and her sacrifice. We wept for Rayne. We wept for our new life. Transformed by his love for her and his commitment to take care of her daughter, this birth mother clung to Jeeva and hugged him. She kept repeating, I love you.

Today was Easter. Good Friday comes first. The grieving and the sacrifice of Jesus’ death leads to abundance and new life. Feeling the burden of death lifted and the hope of Easter in our hearts.

Waiting

2009-04-10T23:37:00.000-06:00

The common theme through this whole experience has been waiting… It has been good for us, but very challenging as well. From the day we started this process 18months ago the main exercise has been waiting. As things have progressed the waiting has taken on different forms, some more difficult than others.

Two weeks ago we got the call that it was time to travel. There was a blizzard that day in Denver, but for u,s all signs pointed towards spring and the coming of Rayne. As I was booking the tickets for our trip, I opened up the birth certificate to gather some information for the travel agent. To my surprise, there were some inconsistencies on the document that were disconcerting. The certificate, a major part of our ability to get Rayne into the states, had my commonly used nickname (Jeeva) instead of my full name (Sanjeevan). We immediately placed a call to the agency.

“We think this is an issue. Is it an issue?” Their response: “Yes. It is.”

We spent the next four days waiting for an answer. For both Rachel and I that four days was the longest four days of our life. The mistake, it turns out, was made over a year ago, on one single document. The weekend was spent trying to stay away from worst case scenarios. Four days later the call came in. Things were going to work out. Rach, who had done her weeping on the issue during the weekend was overjoyed. I who had done my best to avoid any sort of emotion over the four days, wept. The wait was over... or so we thought.

Our First Hours in Ethiopia

Fast forward to our arrival here in Ethiopia on Thursday. Getting off the plane in Ethiopia at 10:00 pm, we were greeted with an entry visa line. Many things here are done the old fashioned way -- the “old fashioned way” being “slow.” Writing up an entry visa is no different. Three different people are needed to write up four different forms. The second is unable to advance until the first one is done... and so on. A process that should take thirty seconds actually takes about five minutes once you get to the front of the line. Waiting...

Next up was the immigration line. Regardless of your marriage status, everyone goes up one at a time. The process is anything but efficient. More waiting...

Once clearing customs we went to gather our bags. Luggage retrieval, here in Addis Ababa, is an interesting process. As we walked up to the belt we immediately found two of our three bags. And then we waited. The carousel kept cycling around, but it was so packed that there was no room for another bag to make it’s way onto the belt. As many of our fellow passengers were stuck in either the visa line or the immigration line, things didn’t change for the better part of thirty minutes. Strangely, the airport people had resolved that it is better to let the belt cycle around jam packed, than to pull the existing bags off of the belt and place the bags in an area clearly designed for such things. I peered through the entry to the baggage claim to see three guys sitting on the baggage cart waiting to put bags on the belt only as space freed up. More waiting….

After about fifteen minutes into our process, I sensed that our third bag may not be coming. A man with a list was walking around having a conversation with an elderly French lady. Her bag was on the list and her bag is lost. I peer over the man’s shoulder at the list and at the bottom of the list I saw my name.

“That’s my name,” I said.

He looked at me, looked at my bag tag and said, “Your bag is in Amsterdam.”

“When will it arrive?” I hesitantly responded.

“Saturday, on the next flight in.”

“That’s two days from now!” I dumbly responded.

As I write this blog post, I’m sitting in the same t-shirt and sweatpants I wore when I left Denver on Wednesday morning... my last clean pair of underwear, as well.

Rachel and Rayne’s stuff is, thankfully, here. My stuff? In Amsterdam. More waiting…..

BUT, as I write this blog at 4 am on Saturday morning, I’m happy to report that our wait to meet Rayne has come and gone. I will go on record as saying it was ALL worth the wait. All 18 months of it. I am a daddy of a little girl. Amazing!

Rach is going to write a little bit about our meeting with her and I am going to go and figure out how to weather my fourth day in the same clothes. To be truthful, I don’t really care. I get to see my daughter again in another 5 hours. I can’t... wait.

Will She Love Us?

2009-04-10T23:33:00.000-06:00

This day has been playing out in my mind hundreds of times, ever since we started the adoption process. But, with limited pictures and information , one can never know what to expect. Especially my own emotions. As Jeeva noted in the previous post, waiting is something we have been forced to be more comfortable with and even embrace in this process. And it is obvious as we traveled to the center this morning for the first time everyone on that bus had grown accustomed to waiting. Everyone sat at breakfast and enjoyed conversations with new friends, as if we were going sight seeing for the day! People loaded the buses arranging and rearranging their seats (we have lots of siblings on the trip.)

We gathered in a big conference room for an orientation, and everyone listened as if we were months away from meeting our daughter. We all had been forced to wait in excitement and anticipation and still totally exist as if nothing was going on. We were quickly bonding with these people because we shared this joy and anticipation. We boarded a old, red bus and rode on a bumpy unpaved road just down the street to the place where our daughter lives. The butterflies, once again, rose up. But, this time I knew that these butterflies had a relief today. They would not need to be compartmentalized into a piece of my heart which had to wait! We got to the beautiful care center and sat in a room brightened with a wall of windows, high ceilings, and white marble floors and warmed by large floor rugs, rocking chairs, and comfy yellow couches. This place was lovely, clean, and remarkably quiet for housing over 40 children – ages 0 to 5. We were told one family would be called at a time to meet their child. Since no cameras are allowed in the center, there is a video crew taping your whole experience. So, we waited at the bottom of the stairs . Our new friends, one at a time, would be called up the stairs and return with a baby on their hip and a smile on their face. Crazy. We shared a joy with them as they had just given birth, some families for the first time!

Will she love us? What will she smell like? What will her response be? What will we do when we meet her? So many questions going through my brain, but when our name was called it seemed really simple. Walk up the stairs, and walk into a room. A room where two babies lie on the floor and two nurses sit in the corner feeding a child with a metal cup. A quick glance at the social worker to confirm which one was our baby, and there she was…. A precious girl lying on her tummy, chin way up in the air with a big smile on her face. A smile so big you can see her gums.

Jeeva and I both fell to our knees to get to her level and smiled at her. She looked briefly at me, and then at Jeeva. She never stopped smiling for the next few minutes. She let out a few giggles toward Jeeva’s playful voice. I picked her up, and smelled her. She smelled like a baby. She felt like a baby. A feeling I had longed and prayed for. When I held her she looked at Jeeva; when Jeeva held her she looked at me. She smiled and smiled. After about three minutes, we were ushered back downstairs with her in our arms , where now there were clumpings of families sitting on the ground around their new child or sibling. We found an open spot in a rocking chair, since the nurse followed me with a bib and a bowl of cereal to feed Rayne. I was glad, at that moment, that I had done this a million times before with my other kids. But, Caleb and Nathan never ate that fast! We made a big mess of cereal, cleaned it up, and began to play with her. She was precious, lovely, playful, and more than I could have dreamed of. She liked us, but would she love us? After about 30 minutes she grew tired, and she found her thumb. The report was correct: "sucks on her right thumb." I held her tightly, snuggled up to my chest . She laid her head onto my shoulder and rested about 30 minutes until she silently fell asleep.

She would love us. I thought as she slept on my chest for the next hour that she has never been in anyone’s arms or fallen asleep in someone’s arms for over four months. What a gift to be that person.

As I reflect on both of our visits with her today, I know that this orphanage is providing amazing physical care for Rayne. They are efficient and well equipped. They provide structure and playtime. But, what we provide as parents no one can duplicate. Rayne struggled to look in my eyes today as I held her. Her head turned and she grew very uncomfortable when I held her in a baby bottle feeding position, since no one has held her like this. When she is fed she sits up in a nanny’s arms and faces out, when she is bathed she faces out and bathed with quick, loving hands... but no eye contact. When she puts herself to sleep, no one is rocking her or singing to her. She resisted my eyes, but she is not resisting my love. She already has become more comfortable with our love. As the minutes progressed with her today she made eye contact with me. I long to love her today, and watch the transforming power of love.

We love her, and she will love us.

The time has come....

2009-04-07T23:41:00.000-06:00

As most of you are aware, adoption has been a sizable part of our life for the past 18 months. The wait has been long.... But now the time has drawn near for us to go get our girl!

Rach and I feel compelled to do our best to share with you this experience as much as possible over the upcoming weeks. We not only intend to share with you the emotions and steps of bringing our baby home, but we also hope to share with you some of the things we have learned as we have walked through this terrific experience.

With that in mind you should know the computer situation is sketchy at best in Ethiopia so you all will experience one of two things:

Daily updates during our trip.

Or......

One monstrous post when we return!!

We both hope that it is the former as we want you to share in this with us.

Our boys have been the excitement in our house as we have waited for our precious little girl. As we have waited, we have became more and more convinced that Rayne will make our lives richer.

While the pictures and the process are as much as we have had up to this point...

We feel richer.... All of us.......

More to come.....